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Sunday, January 12, 2014

IT'S HERE, IT'S HERE!!!! GOLDEN GLOBE NIGHT 2014!!!



 
Today is the day I wait all year for!  It is the only day of the year that I have full control of the T.V.  My husband knows not to speak to me, bother me, or interrupt me for any reason whatsoever during the entire five hours of programming from Red Carpet arrivals to the actual broadcast and then on to the after parties.  Kind of like Super Bowl Sunday for men. 

The Golden Globes is really the best show of Award Season because the stars eat, drink and get drunk ... making for a "who knows what will happen" event.  Living here in Fabulous L.A. is a big plus for someone like me who LOVES LOVES LOVES the movies and all award shows.  I have worked in downtown L.A. all my life and for years the Academy Awards was held at the Dorothy Chandler which I could see from the 51st floor of my office.  It was SO EXCITING!  I could see all the limousines arriving, the red carpet, and all the people in attendance.  If I wanted to I could actually get in my car and drive to the Golden Globes Award Show tonight to catch all those fabulous folks on the Red Carpet but NO ONE likes to drive in L.A.  And besides, even if I had chosen to do so, I would have to have left yesterday because one must always allow for traffic.  It takes a year and a half to get ANYWHERE in Los Angeles. 
 
SO!  let's begin!
 
E! Hostess Giuliana Rancic looks quite beautiful.  Most of the time I rag on her boney physique but tonight she looked HEALTHY and GORGEOUS and not like a toothpick ... and I'm loving the shorter hair.  You did good Giuliana! 
Grade:  A+ 


Kelly Osbourn.  I really liked Kelly's dress although I have to say it is quite subdued for the Golden Globes.  She looks very sleek with a 40's feel due to the embellishments on the shoulders and I loved her hair (believe it or not), slicked back it didn't look so LAVENDAR.  BUT SHE MUST get rid of those God awful tattoos.  Her body looked great, boobs fantastic, Grade:  A+
 
 
OK, remember what I said earlier about my husband knowing better than to bother me during my show?!  WELL, he just decided to make a smoothie in the Vitamix and IT SOUNDS LIKE A FREAKING PLANE IS TAKING OFF IN MY FUCKEN LIVING ROOM!!!!  UGH!!!!  DOES HE NOT CARE THAT I'M WATCHING MY SHOW!!!!!!
 
Zoe Deschanel - Wearing a very pretty Dior confection that reminds me of 1950's Audrey Hepburn.  However, she is wearing the wrong shoes.  I think a strappy silver shoe would have worked much better and the earrings were all WRONG.  Also, the Hey Leilani flower in the hair was totally unnecessary.  I also think she should have worn her hair down, so, though I love you Zoe, I have to give you ... Grade:  C.   (It would have been a B if you didn't wear a flower in your hair and got rid of those earrings ... and did something else with your hair) ... remember this for next year ok. 
 
 
Hayden Panietierre - OMG.  I LOVED her dress!  To me you can never, EVER go wrong with black and white.  Tres elegant.  Loved the hair, loved the dress, loved the makeup, loved it all.  Grade:  A+
 

Sarah Hyland - PLAIN PLAIN PLAIN and what was with the Fraulein braids???   She had hardly any makeup on and that boring pink dress with a thin belt did NOTHING for her.  Grade:  F
 
 
Lupita Nyong'o (from 12 years a slave) GORGEOUS!!!! OMG she looked stunning!  Hair/jewels - minimal/dress - FABULOUS!  A+++  WINNER WINNER WINNER!  And if you haven't seen 12 Years a Slave this woman gave the most beautiful performance I've ever seen.  Heartbreaking. 
 
 
Sandra Bullock.  Sandra, Sandra, Sandra ... what were you thinking?  If the blue hem were pink maybe I would have liked it better but I am not a fan of this color blocking trend.  It just looks boxy and weird.  I am so sad she didn't win for Best Actress because she was quite remarkable in Gravity.  Grade:  D-
 
 
 
Tina Fey looked very pretty with her hair half up/half down but that dress ... with BIG RED FLOWERS - NO.  However, the gowns she wore during the broadcast were much, MUCH better.  Why she chose this thing for the Red Carpet I've no idea.  Next year call me Tina.  We'll go shopping.  Grade:  D-
 
tina full
 
Margot Robbie from The Wolf of Wall Street.  GORGEOUS!  Everything was PERFECT.  Dress, elegant, simple with just the right amount of bling, her makeup - beautiful.  Grade:  A++               WINNER WINNER WINNER!
 
 
Amy Adams - GORGE!  I loved the dress but the color combo was kinda weird ... I loved the red, flowy chiffon skirt but the top might have looked better in a different color.  Not really feeling that maroonish brown color.  The hair and makeup, flawless.  Grade:  A+
 
 
Julia Roberts ... the Queen of Hollywood, looks very "housewifey" if you ask me.  Hair and makeup are working but that house dress thing she's got going leaves a lot to be desired.  I think maybe she's trying to come off as the next Meryl Streep.  The look is average.  Mediocre.  Ordinary.  Mama gives Julia .... Grade:  C-
 
 
Kelly Cuoco - oh oh.  Ok, that corset thing is quite ovah and the fabric reminds me of a shower curtain.  The hair is just hanging there like spaghetti.  Maybe if she did something to it it might have made the entire look a little more glam ... but not much.  Plus no jewels, and the make up is lacking.  Grade:  F
 
(can I just say that sometimes it amazes me what some girls find beautiful.  This thing is ... ick).
 

THREE PREGNANT LADIES ON THE RED CARPET THIS YEAR ...
 
1.  Kerry Washington looked BEAUTIFUL.  I loved her dress.  Very elegant and appropriate.  I abhor the look at my pregnant belly look so I thought this choice was just right.  Grade:  A+                               WINNER WINNER
 
 
2.  Olivia Wilde.  This woman is BEAUTIFUL.  She looks gorgeous and though she went with a skin tight gown it looks great on her.  And even though I HATE HATE HATE that dark green color (it looks like alligator skin) on her it looks fabulous.  Grade:  A
 
 
3.  Drew Barrymore.  Now no one loves Drew more than me but what the hell was she wearing?????  This would have looked more appropriate on a young,  girl who isn't pregnant.  Also, her hair looks as if she didn't even wash it ... it's just laying there.  She should have done something with it.  Grade:  C-
 
 
Sofia Vergara - LOVE this black gown!  The turquoise necklace is a beautiful contrast.  Nothing else to say about Sofia ... as always she looks fabulous.  Grade:  A+
 
 
Jennifer Lawrence - I loved this gown.  It looks very Chanel to me but it was actually Dior.  As I've said previously, you can never go wrong with black and white.  I LOVE this gorgeous gown and she looks lovely BUT, I don't think the green drop earrings worked.  She's wearing black jewelry on her wrist.  I'm thinking diamonds or pearls would have worked better on her ears.  Despite that, she gets a killer grade:  A+
 
 
(OK now he's running the Vitamix again just to see if it's working.  God give me patience!!!) 

Zoe Saldana - I LOVED THIS DRESS!  It's different and chic and feminine and what is called taking a real fashion risk.  Plus, I LOVE soft pink with black ... I think she is perfection.  Grade:  A+
 
 
Amber Heard.  UNBELIEVEABLY beautiful.  She is definitely a throwback to old Hollywood glamour and va-va-voom!  Love the dress, love the color love the hair and love the makeup.  This is definitely a winner for me!  GORGEOUS!!
Grade:  A+                WINNER WINNER WINNER
 
 
Paula Patton.  What the hell was this????  That THING looks like a growth that she couldn't get rid of so she decided to cover it up with a gigantic ruffle.  Such a pretty woman and she picked such a ridiculous dress.  It totally overwhelms her. Grade:  D-
 
 
Now onto the Downton Abbey girls.  OMG they both look beautiful and lovely. 
 
Michelle Dockery looked absolutely gorgeous!  Her skin coloring is beautiful and flawless and I love the color, fabric and cut of this dress.  The shoes - perfect, her hair and makeup, perfect.  Grade:  A+             WINNER WINNER WINNER
 
 
Laura Carmichael of Downton Abbey. Once again, black and white.  Gorgeous/simple/elegant - perfection.  Grade:  A+
 
 
I LOVE HELEN MIRREN!  LOVE HER!  She looks beautiful.  I love this gown, gorgeous color for her and her hair and make up are perfection.  Grade: A+
 
 
 
Mila Kunis.  This is one beautiful girl and I love this dress.  Silver and grey.  Just the right amount of sparkle.  Not sure if I like her hair pulled back so tight.  But she looks beautiful.  Grade:  A
 
 
Heidi Klum.  YOU'RE A MODEL HEIDI.  NOT AN ACTRESS.  And you are much too overexposed.  I do not want to see you on the red carpet again, do you hear me?  NEVER.  AGAIN.  But, since you're here, you asked for it.  AS much as I LOVE black and white I DO NOT LIKE IT ON YOU.  And the 1970's choker looks stupid.  As does your hair.  And you need some lipgloss.  Grade:  F- to the negative of 10.
 
 
Lena Dunham.  I LOVE YOU LENA but those cups are too small and your boobs don't look right.  The color of the gown is quite pretty and your make up looks great but your hair .... not cutting it.  BUT, I like you so much that I'm going to give you a B.
 
 
Kristen Chenowith.  WHAT.  IS.  THIS?  It looks like it's made of polyester and it's making me hot.  The red bag - not a good choice.  She reminds me of a young Lonnie Anderson.  Grade:  F 
 
 
Reese Witherspoon.  PERFECT.  Nothing else to add.  Love the makeup, love the dress, love the jewels.  Grade:  A
 
 
Uma Thurman.  GORGE!  I love Uma.  What a woman. Grade:  A
 
 
Emma Thompson.  I LOVE EMMA THOMPSON!  I love all the British actresses because they are so damn funny.  She looks beautiful.  Love her hair, love the makeup and I think she looks great.  Grade:  B
 
 
Aubrey Plaza.  What the hell is this?  It looks like a lavender version of Marilyn Monroe's "Diamonds Are a Girls' Best Friend" number.  The shoes are wrong, the bag is wrong and the jewels are wrong.  Grade:  F-
 
 
Cate Blanchett - Cate is an amazing actress and she usually looks fantastic but this gown doesn't thrill me.  I don't like the neckline and I didn't like the back.  Honestly, I was a little disappointed that she won the award.  I was hoping that Sandra Bullock would win.  I think she deserved it.  Grade:  C
 
 
So that's it folks!  I'd wish I could add more, especially some of the fellas ... Matthew McConaughey looked VERY handsome now that he's gained his weight back.  Jared Leto is a beautiful man and was a winner this year for Best Supporting Actor.  He was amazing in Dallas Buyers Club (and just as an aside, in drag he looks just like Courtney Cox) ....
 
NEXT, the Academy Awards!  I hope you enjoyed my Best and Worst and I gotta say I try to do my best with this post but I also feel rushed to post by Monday morning.  So, with that said, hope you enjoyed it!  
 
SMOOCHES!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 p.s. Darlings ... you simply MUST visit my hilarious friend Bob's post re the Golden Globes
(http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/2014/01/golden-globes-fashion-best-meh-worst_13.html) ... you'll pee your pants.  AND, for more laughs, check out his comments to my post ... grab some Pampers.  HE'S FUCKEN HILARIOUS!!!

3 comments:

  1. Okay ... deep breath .....
    Rancic looks like a Budget Prom Queen.
    Kelly looks pissed off and need to laser some tattage right off.
    Zooey Deschanel looks too matchy-matchy and kinda sloppy.
    Hayden. Love the dress, hate the hair, wish she was life-sized.
    Sarah Hyland is like Valium. One look and i was down for the night.
    Lupita Nyong'o is the Best Dressed Woman of the Night in a mother-effing cape!!!!
    Sandra's looking kinda wrinkled and the colorblocking isn't working.
    Tina. Honey? Florals? No.
    Margot Robbie's dress looked kinda stiff, which I'm sure is how the straight men felt when she walked by.
    Amy Adams. Hated the color of the top, and enough with the plunging necklines, the movie is over. Plus, she arrived on the carpet wearing a cape and I think when she saw Lupita she knew she was done for and she tossed it.
    Julia should'a stayed home in this Plain Jane frock.
    Kayley Cuoco? Run a comb through that hair and run a car over your stylist. This was a misfire!
    Kerry Washington. Gorgeous.
    Olivia Wilde. A snake digesting a rat.
    Drew? Why? Why are you even there and why did you think that looked good?
    Sofia. i love the jewels but the ginormous skirt was just too much. A Funeral Tent.
    JLaw. Sheets and metal straps. Not a good look.
    Zoe Saldana. Pick ONE dresses, not scraps and shreds from a hundred sewn together by Amish women making a Golden Globes quilt.
    Amber Heard's dress is nice but the Bride of Frankenstein 'do was a don't.
    Paula Patton. What a f**king stupid motherf**king mess of a f**king dress.
    Michelle Dockery's dress looked like it would crack if she sat down. Why so stiff Mishy?
    Laura Carmichael. Simply fantastic.
    Helen Mirren is a goddess.
    Mila Kunis looks pissed off because she stole this dress from Demi's closet and Demi's right behind her.
    Heidi Klum. Just stay home.
    And invite Lena Dunham to stay home too. Yellow? YELLOW!!!
    Kristin? Dynasty is over so put the Krystal Carrington wardrobe away.
    Reese looks pretty. And sober.
    Uma. That's Swiss for Hot.
    Emma Thompson. Don't they make floor-length dresses in the UK?
    Aubrey Plaza. Who are you and who put you in Ugly?
    Cate Blanchett would have rocked it if it worked for a little something I call "Lupita Nyong'o."

    And breathe .....

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  2. LMAO!!!! Brilliant and hilarious as ALWAYS! Every year I look forward to YOUR comments and you did not disappoint! THANKS BOB ... and now the world must also know so your comments are getting posted.

    p.s. Olivia Wilde. A snake digesting a rat. -- SO WHAT I WAS THINKING!

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  3. As I was watching last night, I was already thinking about what YOU would be writing today! Lol you didn't disappoint!

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