Fast forward to the next morning ... open the fridge to get a piece of carrot cake with my coffee ... AND THE WHOLE THING IS GONE!!! WHAT! So I call him at work ...
Me: I thought you didn't like carrot cake?!
Dan: I don't.
Me: Then how come you ate all the carrot cake?!
Dan: I didn't.
Me: Dan, I saw the empty box in the trash and the entire cake is gone!
Dan: I KNOW! I didn't eat that carrot cake YOU DID. I saw it this morning and said DAYUM, SHE ATE THE WHOLE THING!
Me: Danny, don't play with me ... I know you're lying!
Dan: No I'm not ... I SWEAR. I didn't eat it. You did.Me: (SILENCE)
Slowly, I began to deduce. 1 - he doesn't like carrot cake; 2 - I like carrot cake; 3 - I took an Ambien; 4 - it's very possible I ate all that carrot cake and have no memory of it because I was in an Ambien induced high.
FUCK. I ATE THE ENTIRE CARROT CAKE!!!
It's just like that time I saw pink toe nail clippings all over the living room rug and couldn't figure out how they got there. Or like the time Breanne told me I came into her room and started trying on all her shoes and I couldn't remember. Or like that other time when I posted naked pictures of Dr. Laura on my blog.
What am I GONNA DO? I have insomnia?! If I don't take Ambien I don't sleep! It's horrible! OMG - I may have to start EXERCISING to make myself physically tired and I HATE EXERCISE! Maybe I can just switch meds! Maybe the doctor can prescribe some other sleep medication that doesn't make me crazy and cause hallucinations and memory loss!
SHIT .... okay everyone, I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.