Saturday, October 18, 2014


As some of you may or may not have noticed, I've been gone for a while.  No blogging for Mama of late.  You see, I had places to go and people to see.   

My nephew Frank, affectionately referred to as "Frankster the Prankster" in childhood, got married.  After graduating college where he met his bride, and establishing himself working as a respiratory therapist in a hospital he decided to tie the knot with Miss Katie.  An adorable, BEAUTIFUL, sweet girl that I love and want to get to know better.  You see, these two live far off in another state so the wedding was my first opportunity to meet my new niece. 

I spent a wonderful few days with my ex-sister-in-law Donna Marie WHO I LOVE SO MUCH and she was unbelievably hospitable and great company.  I hadn't seen her in about 18 years.  Like most folks these days we are friends on Facebook but nothing beats a face-to-face conversation and time well spent.  I've promised to visit again. 

I especially love this picture ...

Katie and her daddy walking down the aisle.  Isn't she pretty!

They were married literally in her front yard, a property on a beautiful lake that was especially fitting for a fall wedding.  I got the feeling that this is what she is all about.  Simple pleasures and family.  The reception took place under a huge tent and the food was fantastic.  Gumbo, fried catfish, shrimp, bacon wrapped chicken ... incredible.  It was a beautiful wedding and I am so SO glad I made the trip.  God bless you both Mr. and Mrs. Martinez.

This was the first leg of my trip.  Back around June I committed to my first girl's trip.  NYC with Laura, Jennifer and Jaime to visit Laura's daughter Paulina who is going to college in New York.  This trip was scheduled for October 9 and I was looking forward to this trip like no other because I've always ALWAYS wanted to go to New York.  So, when I learned that Frank had proposed to Katie on Father's Day this past June I figured that I would have a wedding to attend sometime next year ... 2015.  NOT.  I get an email informing me that they are getting married on October 4.  WTF!  I'm going to NYC on October 9.  How am I possibly going to make two trips???!!!  Well ... I knew I couldn't miss this wedding and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was not going to NYC.  Funny what one can accomplish when one is committed.  NEW YORK CITY HERE I COME ...

There was only one problem.  The second I walked into my front door upon my return from the wedding my throat started scratching ... it was very sore.  Then the congestion, the body aches, the headache, THE COLD FROM HELL!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  As all who know me know ... I'd rather have surgery than get a cold ... I'm in a panic.  Will I be well enough to travel?  How am I going to pack when I feel like shit?!  All I want to do is sleep and I only have two and half days to get ready!  Emails are flying back and forth!  We're due to fly out on the red-eye Thursday night! 

Me:  "Laura!  What am I gonna do?!" 

Laura:  "ATTITUDE.  Half of getting better is attitude!" 

SO, I get up and start moving.  Packing.  Working.  Sweating.  I am not having any fun.  Before I know it it's time to go.  Danny drives us to the airport.  I am not feeling a hundred percent ... I feel as though I am underwater. 

We are meeting up with Jennifer and Jaime at the airport.  I have my Airborne, my vitamin C, my vitamin B12 and I'm popping Cold-Eze like crazy.  Laura and I are hours early ... I like being early because you NEVER know what might happen.  Laura is texting Jennifer ... "where are you?"  "We're stuck in traffic."

It's after 11:00 pm and they're announcing over the loudspeaker for us to start lining up to board. 

Me:  "Laura, where are they??!!"

Laura:  "Don't worry girl.  They're gonna waltz in right as we're boarding the plane. "

AND SURE ENOUGH as we're boarding who come straggling in ... Jennifer and Jaime.  Jennifer is drunky-poo because she went to B.J.'s for dinner and had copious amounts of alcohol.  So she's happy to say the least. 

We are excited as we board.  We get to our seats and settle in and I do my best to sleep.  Jennifer and Jaime are unfortunately sitting behind the crying child from hell who cried for FIVE HOURS. 

We landed at JFK about 7:30 am and then took a car to NYC.  My eyes are bulging.  I'm taking everything in.  I'm excited and at the same time I so want to feel better.  We got to the hotel, left our luggage because the room wasn't ready and we immediately TAKE OFF.  Laura has us running ALL OVER NEW YORK CITY.  I wasn't in shape for this.  I had no makeup, I look like shit, I FEEL like shit but hey ... it's NEW YORK!  We saw Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall, St. Patrick's Cathedral, had lunch and then continued walking for another 17 miles.  After my first six hours in NYC I needed to be intravenously fed and given speed.  BUT ... when we got back to the hotel we TOOK NAPS ... YAY!  After that I felt a whole hell of a lot better!  By the time we went out to dinner I was a new woman.

It was a FABULOUS trip.  We saw so much and ate GREAT food.  Enjoyed "Jersey Boys" with fantastic seats right up front.  Saw Times Square, went to the Met ... NYC is OVERWHELMING.  There is so much to see, so much to do and so much to eat.  The 911 Memorial was an all day event - incredibly moving.  It went by much too fast!

My overall impression of NYC ... I LOVED the vibe.  It is totally not what I expected.  I found the people incredibly helpful and nice, just really great people.  The city really does not sleep.  I always wondered while watching Sex in the City how Carrie felt safe walking home alone at night????  Now I know.  THERE ARE ALWAYS PEOPLE ON THE STREET!  I felt very safe all the time.  I loved the energy, the vibe, the way people get out and enjoy their city.  Great restaurants, great museums, great sites, great neighborhoods, the city was abuzz 24/7.  If I were 30 years old I'd live there!  Of course, one has to make a bazillion dollars to live in the city but dayum, WHAT A CITY!   
(Jamie, Janell, me, Laura, Paulina, Jennifer)

Jennifer, Laura, Me

The beautiful Juliana, Laura and Paulina

Otherwise, who knows when I'd ever have gotten to visit! 

Grand Central Station


One of the chapels in St. Patrick's Cathedral

Jaime, Laura and Jennifer

Jennifer, Laura, me, Jamie

Laura, Jamie, Juliana, Paulina on the streets of SoHo

Me, Juliana, Pauina, Laura, Kenna, Jamie, Jennifer - dinner in Little Italy

A rainy day in New York

Paulina and Debbie in front of the Plaza Hotel

Central Park

Jennifer, Laura and me on the High Line


Jennifer and two of New York's finest

The Pro ... Laura hailing a cab

Laura and I - Jersey Boys

Times Square

Janelle, Jamie, Jennifer, Laura and me - Times Square

911 Memorial Building

The Brooklyn Bridge

Until next time ... SMOOCHES!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


So it's been a while since I've blogged because sometimes I just run dry of ideas or I'm not pissed off at anything and I have nothing to say.  That is UNTIL TODAY.   

I am forever amazed at the ridiculous shit I see on such sites as Huffington Post which is supposed to be a somewhat serious news blog.  I'm beginning to put Huffington Post in the same category as Radar On Line because they talk about the same trash.  

Saw this headline:

Kim Zolciak Shows Off New Boob Job and Tummy Tuck
The White Trash Wonder and mother of six. 

Funny ... I wonder why she didn't mention her penis removal?

NEXT ...
Jasmine Tridevil Gets Third Boob 'Because I Don't Want To Date Anymore'

Jasmine hon ... you do realize that all you have to do when someone asks you for a date is to say NO.  You do know that don’t you? 


NEXT ...

So Kris and Bruce are finally calling it a day.  Seriously, no one really cares about these two but I must say that I'm quite happy for Bruce.  Kris has agreed that if she gets custody of 17 year old Kylie she'll give Bruce his balls back. 
And if that goes well she'll consider returning his spine. 

NEXT ...

Kim Kardashian's Alleged Nude Photos Leak Online!
So ... like we've all see you naked.  ALL OF US.  In the entire world.  Have seen you ... NAKED.  

When are these crazy narcissists celebrities going to realize that this is no longer shocking?  WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NAKED ASSES.  We really don't.  Been there, done that, seen it too.  I'll tell what would shock me ... if I heard you'd read a book.  THAT would be shocking.  Or, if you started wearing clothing that actually FIT you.  You do tend to squeeze yourself into clothing that is much too small causing you to look like a stuffed sausage.  So yeah ... if you  started dressing like a lady I would find that shocking.  Nude pics? ... not so much.

NEXT ...
Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea have a new video.  Basically, it consists of the two of them shaking and grinding their ginormous, gelatinous butts in an attempt, I'm sure, to excite 14 year old boys to climax.  Personally I don't get it.  Also, do you know how many other females in the world can do the same thing girls?  LOTS.  Lots and lots.  All I can say is ... J.Lo's children must be so proud.  (How old are you again Jenny?  46, 47???

The white trash family from Wasila was involved in a big ass brawl.  Bristol Palin apparently has a great right hook and punched a guy square in the face causing Mama Grizzly to gush with PRIDE about how she loves her some Bristol and then she goes on to thank all her "prayer warriors" ... This woman was almost a heartbeat away from the Presidency.  THANK YOU JESUS FOR LISTENING TO OUR PRAYERS.  SERIOUSLY.  Thank you.

Until next time ... SMOOCHES!

Thursday, August 28, 2014


SO, caught the RHOC Reunion Part I and can I just say that Tam-Tam did not come off well at all.  She basically sat there with a sneer on her face the entire time (which really brought out the wrinkles around her eyes and if I were her I would get some more Botox … unless it isn’t helping anymore and we’re in need of an eye lift) and she was surprisingly quiet except for the one time she SHRIEKED at Vicki about HER OPINION!!!!  Good God she should have taken a Valium before filming.  I hate her.

heather dubrow at rhoc reunion

Heather and Terry came off very poorly.  Terry came off like another housewife (a man without a penismaybe he could borrow David Beador’s) and Heather did some serious backpedaling after viewing footage of herself behaving how she insists she didn’t behave, BUT DID.  Can’t argue with that Heather.  When the TRUTH is staring you in the face there ain’t nowhere to go but down. 

Shannon Beador
The Beadors came off VERY WELL.  Calm and collected.  By their even tempered and calm demeanor they were able to expose the real craziness of the Dubrows and Tamra.  (And where was Eddie?  Me thinks he could care less about supporting his “old” lady.  Didn’t want to be embarrassed by her shrieking and possibly popping a vein on camera.  All the other husbands were there to support their women …. Oh oh Tamra … I don’t knooooooow.) 
Vicki is still delusional.  I have never in my life witnessed anyone in such deep denial about her entire life.  She is still hoping that one day Brianna and Brooks will be best friends and they can all be one happy family.  DELUSIONAL.  Perhaps it's better to just let Vicki continue living in her own private Idaho.   
Lizzie came off very well and managed to put Tamra down with class and without nary a swear word.  So much so that Tam-Tam did not have a come back.
WOW Lizzie ... you shut Tamra up! 
Stay tuned for next week when I'll recap Reunion Part II.  Until next week … SMOOCHES!


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

2014 EMMY AWARDS ....

OK whose idea was it to have the damn Emmys on a MONDAY???!!!  First of all traffic downtown was insane, I didn't get home until late, I missed the entire Red Carpet arrivals ... it ruined my entire viewing experience SO I am merely posting pictures I saw on the internet and giving my comments. 

Alexandra Daddio - what a BEAUTIFUL GIRL!  I don't know who she is or what she's on but she is absolutely gorgeous and I love her gown.  I'm giving her a big fat A!

(on second thought ... she looks kinda naked).

Allison Janey.  She looks beautiful.  Love the makeup and the hair.  The color of this gown is not my favorite but she has a rockin' body and looks great. 
Grade:  B-


Christina Hendricks.  What a mess.  The hair is terrible.  The make up is awful, the dress has too much going on and it looks wrinkly and ill fitting.  Looks like a tacky prom dress she bought at Windsor.  She's got too much jewelry on and it clashes with that tacky applique thing on the side of the dress.  Grade:  F-

OK.  The dress is terrible and that thing at the neck looks like a dead lei.  The side panels look weird ... the dress is a mish mash of ideas that didn't quite come together.  Claire, please please hire yourself a stylist.  You're not a bad looking girl but you gotta learn how to pull yourself together.  Grade:  F-

I love love love me some Gwen Stefani!  I love her hair down like this.  It looks sexy and gives her an entirely different look.  However, this outfit looks like a sparkly set of tacky pajamas.  The top .... I'm thinking Star Trek ... and that fabric?  You're better than this Gwen. Grade:  F-

Hayden Panettiere.  Beautiful pregnant girl.  Enough said.  Grade:  A+

Giuliana Margolies.  She always looks very chic, very elegant, very simple.  What can I say - she gets an A.  It's boring ... but it's an A.

Halle Berry ALWAYS nails it.  I don't think I've ever seen her look less than perfect.  Grade:  A+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER.  The rest of you should take notes.  

This kind of looks like Heidi Klum but I can't be sure ... I don't see any boobs?????  This MUST be an imposter. 

MAN CANDY.  Idris Elba YUM YUM.  Elegant, handsome, beautiful.  Grade: A+
 p.s.  (562) 695-4402.  Call me.  Maybe.

Kayley Cuoco.  This is a very pretty gown.  Love the pink and red (it seemed everyone was in red this year) however, something is missing? Jewels? Better makeup?  I don't know ... it is lacking something.  Perhaps a pair of gorgeous chandelier earrings?  The dress gets an A, the overall look ... Grade: C-

This is kind of sweet.  I'm thinking buttercups and daffodils.  Grade:  B-

Amy Pohler - looking very glam!  Love the dress, love the make up, love the hair.  Body is rockin' ... Grade:  A- 

Angela Bassett.  A vision in white with gold accents.  Me likeeee!  Grade:  B

Anna Gunn.  Mhmmm ... WHITE and BLUE????   Grade:  D-  (at least she won the Emmy). 

"My Girls" Anna Chlumsky.  BEAUTIFUL.  This gown has a very 1940's feel.  I love it.  It looks elegant and flowey.  She looks great - not many can pull off white like this.  Grade:  A

Edie Falco.  I LOVE this gown!  Love the color, the style, everything.  Edie looks fabulous.  Love the longer hair and her makeup is beautiful.  Winner Winner!!
Grade:  A+

Felicity Huffman.  Love this.  Very elegant.  She has a fantastic body.  Though it's simple, it still wows.  The bag is perfection, the bracelet - her hair and makup - she's a winner!  Grade:  A

I can't.  I love her and I will not go there.  The bag is nice :)

Giuliana Rancic.  Eh.  Red.  Skinny.  Anorexic.  Grade:  C

January Jones.  This gal is always taking risks.  The shoes are interesting and the dress is ok however, the hair and the makeup are lackluster to say the least.  I wouldn't be surprised to find a scrunchie back there.  Grade:  C-

The gal from Downton Abbey.  I love chiffon.  It's so feminine and ethereal.  It's a pretty gown however it kind of blends right into her skin.  Grade:  C+

Julia Louis-Dreyfus.  Same old same old.  Her make up looks good.  Hair good.  However, TAKE A FUCKEN CHANCE ONCE IN A WHILE!  Grade:  B

Julie Bowen.  Honey ... prints are NEVER a good idea no matter how skinny you are.  This is plain ugly.  Grade:  F

I'm thinking mermaids, something beneath the sea ... YELLOW like an egg yolk.  This entire ensemble is disastrous.  Grade:  F  (Maybe if it was in another color?  Black maybe?)

She looks like she's wrapped up in bandages.  And that black and white crap at the top?!  Grade:  F- to the negative of 10.

Katherine Heigle is looking very Mother of the Bride in this get up.  Peach?  This is WAY too mature for her.  She has a fantastic body what the hell?  This was a very poor choice.  Grade:  D-
Kelly Osborne.  Kelly my love, your hair looks just like the Gerber baby except in purple.  The dress - black/grey/white .... one or the other ... not all three.  The tats are distracting.  Grade:  D-

Kerry Washington.  I'm not feeling this one.  And what's with the skirt underneath the dress?  Kerry ... you usually look so pulled together.  What happened hon?  Grade:  C-

Kristin Wiig.  FINALLY!!!!  You look fantastic!  Dress is gorgeous, body is looking fantastic, hair/makeup - flawless.  The only thing is the shoes ... maybe silver would have worked better.  Other than that, you're a winner!  Grade:  A- (for the black shoes).

Laura Prepon.  WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS THIS????  Blue and green with reversible sides, a peplum, a collar, a cummerbund?  What the hell girl?!  Grade:  F -- (another double minus cause this is horrible).

I love this gown.  Black with a white train, love it!  Love the neckline too.  Grade:  A

Mark Ruffalo and wife.  She looks great.  I think he's adorable.  Cutest Couple!
Grade:  A


Melissa McCarthy.  Too much black.  Her hair is black, her dress is black ... she kind of looks like Morticia.  The dress looks very 1980's.  Though I love her, I'm giving her a Grade:  C-

Michelle Dockery of Downton Abbey MY FAVORITE PROGRAM EVER!!!!!   I cannot tell you how much I LOATHE this color blocking crap.  The colors are always bizarre!  White/Green/Blue/Light Pink - SERIOUSLY!  Just looking at it is making me car sick.  UGH.  She usually looks great but this is a disaster!  Grade:  F- to the nth degree.

Peter Dinklage.  GREAT ACTOR.  I know he's a little guy but he's a super talented and he has to be rolling in dough ... Peter!  Couldn't you afford a good tailor?  Those sleeves are WAY too long dude.  Grade:  C-
Sarah Paulson.  She looks like a firework that just exploded.  Hair is terrible, make up is terrible.  Overall look - terrible.  Grade:  F-- (that's a DOUBLE minus).

Sarah Hyland.  ADORABLE.  Loved this.  Young, fresh, sweet.  Grade:  A+ 

Sofia Vergara.  Same old same old.  I don't like the silver things on the bodice.  Basically, everything she wears flatters the bod and it's always the same ... BORING.  DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!  Grade:  C-
Julia Roberts (Meryl Streep's BFF) ... Baubles, Bangles and Beads.  This looks like a dress that has neurofibromatosis (Elephant Man disease) ... Also, did you see how clunky she walks with her skinny horse legs?  SO UNGRACEFUL.  Grade:  F

Lena Dunham.  Lena ... darling .... we love that you're WHO you are.  WE really do.  But on the Red Carpet do you think you could be somebody else??  This 1950's pink blouse with the frou-frou gradated skirt going from pink to red sitting right at the waist ... not a good look.  You look very uncomfortable.  Grade:  F-F- (that's a double F minus for really REALLY bad). 
Well folks, that's it.  Though there were many others to critique and praise mama ran out of steam.  You see I am also busy at work on the RHOC Reunion Part I which I will be posting shortly.
So as always, here's wishing you champagne wishes and caviar dreams!