THIS 'N THAT ...

OK.  Angelina Jolie.  She is unbelievably courageous and I feel really bad for ragging on her in the past.  I do feel that she is blessed to have had children before having to deal with this.  Being childless is a fate worse than death for most women.  Her situation is especially tough ... I just read that she is also going to remove her ovaries.   DAYUM.  Thirty-seven is too young for that.  She'll probably have to go on hormone replacement and experience early menopause ... and believe me, being in the throes of menopause myself, I don't envy her.  But ... she does have Brad Pitt to curl up to at night so that's a consolation.  I've ragged on Brad too.  I'm a horrible person.  So Angelina, Brad ... I'm  really, REALLY sorry for ragging on you and I promise I will never, EVER pick on you guys again.  Get well hon.  {{BIG HUG}}.   


O.J. Simpson goes back to court.  (Is he looking fat and ugly or what?)  And he's still the same ole arrogant jerk we all remember.  Pig.  If they let this asshole get a new trial I'll shave my head.  He needs to stay behind bars for 33 years PERIOD.  He'll be in his 90's when he gets out and that seems more than fair to me.  HE SHOULD LIVE SO LONG. 


(I copied this from Wonderwall because I wanted to prove I'm not the only hater out there)

Kim steps out for lunch with her mother in the San Fernando Valley, showing off a pair of rough-looking hooves ...

(This part is me) Petunia Pig is also wearing a dress that is five sizes too small.   

 



 

The amazing Amy Ferris happened to comment on her facebook page about Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne’s performance at the Billboard Awards show and inferred that it was tres tacky.  I did not watch the Billboard awards, nor do I watch the Grammy’s because I don’t know who anybody is.  That’s what happens when you get old.  You become wise and tasteful, ergo, a bunch of rappers jumping around making gang signs and spouting misogynistic vitriol no longer entertains you.  But, merely out of curiosity, I Googled the performance to see for myself.

 

OH.  MY.  GOD.   

 

First, how any of this was even broadcast in prime time to begin with is UNBELIEVABLE.

I cannot repeat the lyrics.  They are far too disgusting.  And the performance … FILTHY, VULGAR, DISGUSTING, UGLY, SEXIST, BASE.  I cannot go on.

 

If Nicki were my daughter I would divorce her and hide in a cave for the rest of my natural life.  Same if Lil Wayne were my son.  I do not know where, how, or when people began to become so disgusting and ugly.  AND IN PUBLIC.  And I'm not a prudish old lady.  What I saw was pornographic in nature, SEXIST, and UNNECESSARY!!

 

We do not need to see Nicki Minaj give Lil Wayne a lap dance as she pops and bumps and plays with her lady parts.  YEAH.  And the crowd was going wild.  That alone, requires a serious study in human behavior.  Frightening.

Apparently, there was a big ol gala the other night ...

An Evening at the 2013 Met Gala.  The event where Kim K wore that hideous, couch fabric schmata.  I thought I'd include a few more pictures for your enjoyment ...



Beyoncé ... Versace print, with Versace print boot, with Versace print train.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ALL THE PRINT?  First Kim and now Beyoncé.  I think the boots need to go.  Maybe it would have looked better with a sexy, slinky shoe.  What do you think?  And I don't like the leather belt ... on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being best, I give it a 6.

Cate Blanchet.  LOVE.  A 10 + 15.  WINNER WINNER WINNER.

Claire Danes.  BLEH.  BORING BORING BORING.  This gal never jazzes it up.  I'm giving her a 2 ... and that's being generous.







The beautiful Amanda Seyfried ... went and dyed her hair dark red and wore wall paper for a gown.  She's running a close second to Kim K.  Giving her a 6. 

Gisele Bundgen.  YEAH, YEAH, YEAH you got great legs and gorgeous hair and you know it therefore you're getting a 1.  Thank you.

Linda Evagelista looking like a Renaissance princess.  Ethereal and lovely.  Grade 9.    

The Hobbit goes Boho.  Grade:  3

It looks like she purchased her gown from Camping World.  It looks like a tent with spangles.  Is this supposed to be taking a fashion risk?  If so, you failed.  Grade ZERO.



La Lopez channeling Lola Falana.  AS much as I HATE to ... I'm giving her a 10.  Fucken bitch. 

Madge.  Great legs, sexy pink ankle straps, black Cleopatra wig.  SO FASHION FORWARD, SO RISKY, SO FUCKEN RIDICULOUS.  ZERO TO THE MINUS OF 10 ... A MINUS ZERO ... OFF THE CHARTS BAD.  Why don't you get yourself a twin set and some pearls and go away quietly.  

Michelle Williams.  GORGEOUS.  A 10 + 20 - WINNER, WINNER, WINNER



Blake Lively.  10 - beautiful girl, tall and gorgeous.  Love the gown, definitely a winner.

Emma Watson - 10.  Nothing more to be said.  Except that I LOVE the shoes.  She is perfection.  

Gwen Steffani ... you forgot to finish putting your hair up.  You look like a wrinkly mess and that's not usually like you.  Though it pains me, you're getting a 2 girlfriend.  

I LOVE KATE BECKINSALE.  She ALWAYS looks fabulous.  Grade:  10



Katie Holmes.  SHE'S FREEEEEEEE!  Looking lovely in white - Grade:  15.

I LOVE this gown ... sort of Marie Antoinette goes punk.  Look at the spikes on those shoulders.  Grade:  10 (OMG ... I just noticed!  Check out this dude!  NO SOCKS!)

Now here's a real punk.  Miley Cyrus.  Looking like a punk.   Hate the hair, hate the dress, hate the ring, hate it all.   Grade:  Minus zero. 

Minka Kelly.  LOVE THIS.  Beautiful color, beautiful girl, even love the frauline braids.  Grade:  12





Nicki Minaj.  The human cartoon channeling Chaka Khan from 1974.  Grade:  1.  HATE THE ENTIRE LOOK.

Nicole Richie.  Wearing the actual wig that George Washington wore when he was inaugurated in 1789.   

      

Gwyneth ... The Princess of Hollywood in Bubble Gum pink.  Grade:   UGLEEEE.

The Princess of Sadomasicism.  Grade:  3

Rooney Mara.  Exquisite!  WINNER WINNER WINNER ... Grade 15

Sarah Jessica.  The dress is okay but the Roman soldier helmet .... not a good choice.  

Uma Thurman channeling Julie Newmar.  Grade:  8.

So that's it ladies and germs.  Hope you enjoyed my critique and if you have anything to add, please feel free.

HUGS & KISSES!



KIM ...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS????  It looks like you took your grandmother's sofa and fashioned it into a "gown" with sleeves, gloves and shoes to match.  Ingenious if you're Carol Burnett performing a parody of Gone With the Wind ... BUT YOU'RE NOT.  This is so going to be on Fashion Police. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In future ... sofa fabric does not make for a glamorous red carpet look.  WHO THE HELL IS STYLING YOU?  My guess .... YOU.  I'm seriously trying to help you and you don't listen to me.  Stay away from prints, gloves and matchy-matchy shoes.  And ANYTHING that clings to the skin.  Invest in some maternity clothes and stick with solids.  

 

I'm not gonna tell you again.

AN ODE TO VIGGO ...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways ...

I love your sexy bohemian look with your long hair and scruff on the chin

I love you when you're all dressed up and look like an elegant man ...

I love you in a plain ol' shirt when you look like a regular guyand I love you dressed in cowboy gear on a horse with a gun at your side

I love you in your bad boy look when you're all tatted up with a sneer

*OUCH*

but I love you MOST when you handle your sword in that sure and confident way ...

Viggo - a true Renaissance man, poet, artist.

 

I'M BAAAAAAACK!!!!

OMG I was seriously jonesing without my computer!  So many things were happening that I couldn't comment on or rant about because my computer blew up.  I burned out the graphic!  So today I come to you on a brand new Dell computer!  Yay!  I still have to download Word and figure my way around but I have my blog back and I'm so glad.  I never realized how much I needed to write (bitch/moan/complain, etc., et al.)   

So where to start?  Mhmmm ... well, I got home from work Friday night tired and hungry and my husband decided to go buy Mexican food from his favorite restaurant.  As he was leaving ... in MY car, he did ask me if I wanted anything.  Sweet huh. 
Selfish pig. 

OOOOOKAY!  Jodie Arias and the trial that will never end.  I have so many feelings on this.  First of all, I think that she is definitely cuckoo for coco puffs but I also think that Travis Alexander was definitely messing with her head.  This is why one should never mess with anyone's head ... because they might stab you 27 times, shoot you in the brain and slit your throat.  Just sayin'. 











People's Most Beautiful Woman ... Gwyneth Paltrow?  They couldn't think of anyone else? 



Like Amber Heard for instance ... who really is BEAUTIFUL.  Gwyneth ... not so much.

 

 

Housewives of Atlanta are over and Orange County Housewives are starting.  Boy oh boy am I going to have a lot of shit to write about.  First of all Keyna Moore is seriously mental.  This is what malignant narcissism will do to you.  Gone with the Wind Fabulous with a twirl ... GURL you are not. 

 

You're just plain assed crazy. 

 

  

 

And doesn't Miss Phaedra look as though she just smelled a fart? 

 

Next, those crazy housewives of Orange County are back.  They seem to get crazier and crazier.  Apparently, Vicki had a chin implant and some other "refreshing" except that she doesn't look very refreshed.  Her hair is a mess and the craters on her face seriously need filling or landscaping. 

 

 

 

Vick ... the false eyelashes are ridic.  Your eyes now slant upwards and your pig nose is not so piggish.  Are you happy?  I hope so ... cause personally, your face lift sucks.  

 

Tamara seems thinner somehow.  Which is entirely possible since I'm fairly certain she barfs after every meal.  Apparently, the shows big event this season will be her marriage to fiancée Eddie who has cheeks large enough to store nuts in.  The two of them have opened a fitness club and Tamara owns FIFTY-ONE percent of the business which she keeps repeating over and over and over and she thinks that this makes her Eddie's boss.  Poor girl.  If she exercised her brain as much as she does her skinny body she might actually accomplish something ALL BY HERSELF. 

 

 

Tamara has proven to be a REAL MEAN GIRL and I hope that Eddie the Chipmunk leaves her at the altar.  Now THAT would make for a great finale!    

 

Alexis is still stupid but I gotta say I really like her shorter hair.  Jim, her owner/husband, is much happier these days because (a) he opened his new trampoline park; and (b) Alexis is back to being a subservient and obedient wife ... the way God intended (eyes rolling).   Poor Alexis.  One day, after she has a complete nervous breakdown, she'll wake up and leave the Pillsbury doughboy. 

 

 

 

Heather is turning out to be quite the snob.  At a beautiful gala at her beautiful estate her husband had the gall to ask her if the desert he was enjoying was purchased at Cost Co?!  OH MY GOD.  HOW DARE HE!!!  Heather Dubrow does NOT shop at Cost Co!  GAWD.  Everyone knows that only the lowest form of humanity shops at Cost Co!  Heather, Heather, Heather ... do yourself a favor and take the stick outta your ass. 

 

And stop with the Botox already!  You look like a fucken clown.

 

 

 

The new housewife, Lydia has that anorexic look to her.  Like a 12 year old girl wearing tons of makeup.  Right now she seems the most normal but time will tell. 

 

 

 

They are all bat-shit crazy and full of themselves and I hope they all go broke and end up homeless women on skid row.  NOW THAT I'D PAY TO WATCH!!!!

 

SMOOCHES!!