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Tuesday, July 14, 2015

THE DONALD VS. EL CHAPO ...


Donald, Donald, Donald.  Let me esplain somthin' to you.

You never, ever, EVER make threats to someone like El Chapo.  I know you think you're a bad ass with your millions of dollars and your funky red comb-over, but in El Chapo's world you're a nothing.  He could get to you, chop your head off and leave it in the lobby of Trump Tower on a stick all before you could could say "WHAT THA ..."

(And FYI ... he has a hell of a lot more money than you)
Word to the wise.  Do not play cowboys and Indians with a real cowboy.  It is very dangerous.  But on the other hand it's also pretty funny.  When I picture you attempting to engage with the most dangerous, violent drug lord IN THE WORLD in your little Twitter rant I can't help but laugh.  You're gonna "kick his ass?"  Donald.  In the words of St. Ronald Reagan ... "Read My Lips" ... YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KICK EL CHAPO'S ASS.  EVER.  You rich white people crack me up. 

P.S.  Don't say I didn't warn you. 

NEXT ...
 
Whoopi Goldberg has finally changed her tune with regard to Bill Cosby because (eyes fucking rolling) she didn't know about the statute of limitations on rape.  Really Whoopi?  You're on The View.  It's your job to know shit like this.  UNBELIEVABLE.  That is why it is so incredible that so many women were coming forward with their stories to begin with!  BECAUSE THEY HAD NOTHING TO GAIN!  THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS HAD ALREADY RUN you stupid, stupid woman. 

And p.s.  Whoopi, you're a traitor to your gender.  You showed not one ounce of compassion for any of these women and continued to defend Cosby until the backlash on The View became too much.  VERY disappointing.  

Friday, July 3, 2015

BRISTOL PALIN IS PREGGERS ...

I know it's old news already but I was so incensed with the Donald that I had to wait on my Bristol bashing post (insert happy face here) ... so let's get to it.


Approximately six years ago this was Bristol Palin's attempt at advocating abstinence (helped along by mama bear Sarah).  First question for you ... would you do this to your daughter?  I mean seriously?  Expose her to ridicule and embarrassment?  Well, if you were Sarah Palin OF COURSE YOU WOULD!!!  What a great coup!  Well, unfortunately this whole campaign backfired.  You see, Bristol went and did it again.  Let's deduce:

1.  If this were Sasha or Malia Obama the right wing would be coming all over themselves. 
     YES  ____     NO _____  

2.  Point Especially directed to Donald Trump AND Rush Limbaugh - SEE you two draft
     dodging morons, little white girls get knocked up too.  In fact, correct me if I'm
     wrong Donald, but didn't you yourself knock up your baby mama Marla Maples?  
     (Rush, lucky for us you're sterile) ... So you see it's not just little black girls and
     little Mexican girls who get pregnant out of wedlock is it?  All of whom, according
     to the both of you and your racist rants are ruining our country.  I
     think youboth need to reevaluate your hatred and judgment.  You're actually
     going to have include Bristol Palin, standard of Christian youth in the
     Republican party, in this batch of youth with loose sexual morals.  Rush, perhaps
     you'd care to send Bristol some aspirin to keep between her knees as you so eloquently
     suggested Sara Fluke do. 


Bristol Palin today (very pretty after her jaw reducing surgery (insert happy face here). 

Now Bristol, I know you don't want any sympathy or lectures but this is my blog so you are going to get a lecture from me ... (just think of me as your Mexican mama bear):

As my daddy used to say "don't spit so high in the air because it might fall right in your face" ... this should actually be directed at your mother.  I'm sure she encouraged you to participate in the first humiliation re abstinence above.  BUT what mama doesn't realize is that things like that usually backfire.  It's called K-A-R-M-A.  Or you could say it in another way ... what goes around comes around. 

I have a one question for you Bristol.  Why weren't you on the pill or using protection?  You're 24 years old.  Honestly, how come?  Knowing who you are and how another unwanted pregnancy would be ruinous to your and yours?  How could you be SO DUMB???  One unwanted pregnancy should be enough to get you on the pill ... I don't understand it.  Did you think if you did it standing on your head you wouldn't get knocked up?  (Ok that was really mean) but this is what happens when you put yourself out there as an example?  Don't you see?

There's a lesson to be learned here.  You aren't the first and you won't be the last girl who ever got knocked up.  But when you represent yourself as such a beacon of Christian morals and choose to insert yourself into political debates that you are really not qualified to enter, well then you kind of ask for it.  I am not very good about being sympathetic towards anyone who gets pregnant accidentally on purpose.  It happens all the time, all day long to women who want their man to marry them, etc., et al.  And, as I am sure you are well aware, it rarely works out well (can you say Levi?).     

And yet, you're really not like most single mothers are you?  You are LOADED.  Which makes it all the more insulting to all the other single mothers out there.  So here's my advice to you.  DON'T DO ANYTHING.  Don't advocate anything.  Don't write a book.  DO NOTHING.  Except quietly disappear.  Raise your children OUT of the limelight.  Forget we ever met.  I promise, time is a great healer.  And YEARS AND YEARS from now, when your have your own little batch of illegitimate grandchildren you can look back at this time and smile. *


*(Brought to you by those and others who hate hypocrisy). 
 

Friday, June 26, 2015

THE DONALD ...



Donald Trump had this to say about Mexicans: 
 
“The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems. When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

Lovely. 

OPEN LETTER TO DONALD TRUMP ...

Dear Donald:

It is true that there are many illegals here in the United States.  But not all of them are from Mexico.  Did you know for instance, that there are lots of Chinese women who come here to have their babies so they will be citizens?  Yeah yeah.  It’s true.  They’re called “Chinese Birth Tourism Rings” and it’s a big deal.  Federal agents recently broke up alleged "birth tourism" rings in Southern California, raiding several homes and apartment complexes where pregnant Chinese women on fraudulent visas paid up to $80,000 so their babies would be born U.S. citizens.  How come you don’t say nasty, horrible things about them?  Could it be because Chinese people are not brown? 

Donald, let me give you a little history lesson about Mexican-Americans (although there shouldn’t really be a hyphen between Mexican and American because we are AMERICAN, but you white people feel better with the hyphen so, whatever).

Please keep in mind this is just my family history.  There are millions of other Mexican-American families with equally proud and impressive histories.  But for now, we'll concentrate on my family.  My grandfather was born in Texas.  He served in World War I.  YES.  The First World War.  He was wounded in the Argonne forest in France and we have all of his medals.  He was a career service man.  Originally, he was in the cavalry and when he retired from the army he worked washing dishes.  All of my uncles served their country.  They fought in World War II and Korea.  One uncle lost and eye and his entire torso was horribly scarred from being bayoneted by a Japanese soldier.  My older cousins went to Vietnam and my brother enlisted in the Navy and was a Seabee for five years.  MY relatives SPILLED THEIR BLOOD FOR THIS COUNTRY.  What did yours do?  My relatives were all born here, drafted, and went to serve their country WITHOUT QUESTION.  And miraculously, they all came back.  They have all contributed to society working in construction as lathers, electricians, and so on.  WHAT DID YOU DO IN VIETNAM Donald? 

From what I’ve read, despite your claim that you avoided the draft and serving in Vietnam because of a high draft number, Selective Service records show that you actually received a series of student deferments while in college and then topped those off with a medical deferment after graduation that helped spare you from fighting for this country that you profess to love.  And YOU want to run for president?  Really?  Donald?

By the time your number (356) came up on December 1, 1969 you had already received four student deferments and a medical deferment, according to military records on file with the National Archives and Records Administration.  In my book, this is called COWARDICE.  Lack of cojones ("balls" or "gonads" in your language).

You see Donald, this is what happens when you are a WASP (aka White Anglo Saxon Protestant with racist tendencies) you take all the cream from the top and talk shit about those at the bottom.  You tell them it’s possible to get the cream but deep down you know it isn’t true and you laugh as they all try desperately to be just like you.  They send you money to attend your seminars in hopes of meeting the Great One in person, however, you never deign to show up.  You have one of your minions deliver the hopeful speech and lessons in how to be a success.  HA. 

What you said about Mexicans was not only ugly, but very telling.  You are not a man of conscience, or empathy.  You are a disgraceful human being who has filed bankruptcy more times than I can count (p.s. I have never filed bankruptcy in my life) but you rich white people seem to do it all the time.  You all seem to have the inside track on cheating.  My father did not raise his children to cheat.  Or lie.  Or run when your country needs you.  You lack every quality required of a leader.  And your stupid T.V. show is proof of that.   

Mexicans, of which you are so painfully unaware, are hard-working, decent people.  Even the ones that Mexico sends here (which you have wrong you stupid moron because those people are not "sent" here ... they're ESCAPING their circumstances).  Poor fools.  You see, they still believe in the American Dream and do not realize that that dream is no longer achievable.  Unless of course you are born into inherited wealth.  But again, that is neither here nor there.  What I really don't get is why you care so much?  Your life is not affected by these horrible Mexican criminal rejects.  I would venture to guess that it's virtually impossible for any one of them to get even close to Trump Tower let alone actually get inside ... am I correct?  I seriously doubt that you lose sleep over the Mexican rapist waiting to break into your gazillion dollar penthouse to rape your wife.  Which if God forbid, did happen, you'd probably run away from screaming like a little girl 

So Donald, what I can tell you for certain, is that right now, just about every MEXICAN-AMERICAN in this country will not vote for you.  And as I’m sure you’re aware, there are a whole bunch of us.  So it looks to me like you’re going to be a big ol loser Donald.  If, in fact, your run for president is actually a legitimate run and not just another hoax for T.V. ratings.  No one takes you seriously Donald.  You’re a joke.  And you look like an Oompa Loompa.  And nobody wants a president who looks like an Oompa Loompa.  

My advice to you would be to find a spiritual practice and to do some deep, DEEP soul searching.  But honestly, I don't think you're capable of that because you'd have to have a conscience first and it's pretty obvious you are not in possession of one.  I only hope that there is justice in life for people like you who are given so much materially in life, but who lack so much in heart and soul.  The only way that that could be righted would be for you to be a Mexican-American and experience the prejudice and hatred that you yourself practice or, better yet, be an illegal Mexican who risks life and limb to get to a country where no one wants you to be and then try to make a life for yourself in the shadows ... struggling to survive financially and not be discovered.  Or, perhaps better yet, be a black person during Jim Crowe.  I think I like that idea best.  It's called Karma Donald.  And I really REALLY hope it exists and you get to experience your own hatred for yourself.  


Sunday, May 31, 2015

I JUST CAUGHT A HEADLINE THAT COMPELLED ME TO WRITE A BABY RANT ... (baby as in "little" not baby as in "baby") ...

about this little girl .... "Teen Mom" star Maci Bookout just gave birth to her second baby and  she's already calling it a "miracle."  Maci ... do you know the definition of insanity?  It's doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  Good God why don't these broads get on birth control! She's on a show called "Teen Mom" and she keeps getting knocked up. UNBELIEVABLE ... two kids, two baby daddy's.  Lovely.
 
 
 
Dr. Drew Pinsky thought up this program believing it would benefit teenage girls by showing the realities of how difficult it is to be a single, teenage mother.  And also, how nine times out of ten, the teenage boy of your dreams is NOT going to be the person you spend the rest of your life with because he knocked you up.
 
HERE'S THE THING.  Today a 14 year old can get birth control without her parents consent.  Personally, I think sex at 14 is WAY too young but then I'm an old broad who at 14 did not know how a flaccid weenie got into a girl's "thing."  However, when I realized that it was only a matter of time before I did "the deed," I went to the doctor, got the pill and GOT MYSELF READY.  And this was 40 years ago!  It is UNBELIEVABLE to me that today, when you can have sex as young as 14, and get birth control without your parents knowledge, these stupid girls keep getting knocked up.    
 
To me, there was no thought more horrifying than having to tell your parents you were pregnant.  NO GREATER SHAME.  But I think therein lies the problem.  There is NO shame.  About anything.  And you all know what I mean.  I am not saying that having a baby is a horrible thing.  I am saying that having a baby at 17 and then having another one at 19, is beyond STUPID. 
 
So Maci, GOOD LUCK girl.  And please, PLEASE .... GET ON THE FUCKING PILL!
 
 
*sigh* .... I feel better already. 
 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

SO ....

Danny's got his foot in a splint.  FOR JOY.  This means I not only get serve him, feed him, and scratch his balls, I still have to do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and everything else I do while he gets to stay home for the rest of the week RECUPERATING.  He's already threatened to buy a little bell.  It told him to think twice about that or he might discover his gonads tinkling.   

I don't mean to sound harsh, really I don't.  And I don't mind parking in the FAR parking space that makes me walk further to the condo, I really don't.  And I don't mind having to do the heavy duty shopping at Cost Co and lug all the groceries into the house, I really don't.  You know why?  BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I FUCKEN DO ALL THE TIME ANYWAY.  However, his little requests can get under my skin.  Like this morning as I was leaving for work, I kissed his little head as he lay in bed ... and as I reached the bedroom door he informed me that "his toes itched."  



Sunday, May 3, 2015

I DON'T LIKE MOTHER'S DAY ...

I don't have my mom anymore and that is the main reason, but that is not the only reason.  You see, I am not a mother.  Not a "real" mother.  I am a stepmother and that's kind of a mother, but not really.  Not like a real mother.  I feel strange when people wish me a happy mother's day.  I do.  I feel that I do not deserve that salutation.  Not in a bad way, but more like being wished a happy birthday when it's not your birthday kind of undeserving. 

I think with all the blended families in the world there should be a Step-parent day.  Happy Stepfather's Day and Happy Stepmother's Day.  Then, when someone wished me "Happy Stepmother's Day" I would feel happy and willing to accept that.  Because really, being a step-parent is not an easy thing.  It gets easier with time and love and years and ups and downs, and you do, eventually, become a family.  And after you've been through all that you should be wished a Happy Stepmother's Day.  And I do love my girls.  I really do. 

I too, have stayed up nights with stepdaughter no. 2 when she was sick and we had to run to the emergency in the middle of the night.  When she was in and out of the hospital.  When she had her  kidney transplant.  I have worried about daughter no. 1 when she first started driving and prayed for her safety everytime she got into the car.  When she moved in with us she was an absolute slob and it drove me crazy ... but then she moved out and I missed her.  Now she has a beautiful baby boy who I am totally in love with him and I absolutely feel like a grandma.  I love him so much and I often feel like my stepdaughter had MY baby.  

We have built a lot of memories, this weird little family of ours.  And it IS a family.  Now.  But I don't think I'll ever "like" Mother's Day ... because I still miss my own mother so much.  It's been ten years and I wish I could call her up, have lunch with her and go shopping one more time.  I don't think I will ever EVER stop missing her.  She drove me crazy lots of times and I'm sure I did the same.  But she was my mother.  And I miss her very much. 


So, everyone who still has their mother be especially grateful.  You are VERY lucky.  Especially if you are older.  I lost my mom when I was 48 and I felt like I was five.  I couldn't believe she was gone.  I couldn't believe that I'd never see her again ... at least not in this lifetime.  I dream about her sometimes and I'm usually mad at her ... for leaving us, I guess.  And then I feel guilty. 

My mother's death affected me in ways I never expected.  It was a very surreal experience.  I kept wondering ... where did she go?  Is she ok?  Just poof ... gone.  I couldn't make sense of it even though I believe in God and an afterlife.  There was no comfort in that because she wasn't here ... where I could see her, and touch her.  It really made me question my faith ... a lifetime of belief that suddenly could not stand up to so great a loss.    

I still talk to her.  Tell her what's happening in our lives.  And I like to believe she can hear me.  I think she can.  Because love never dies ... so mom ...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
I will love you forever mommy.  
 
 

Saturday, May 2, 2015

JUST A QUICK LITTLE BLURB ...

 
So, I was watching Oprah's "Where Are They Now" and they did a little interview with D-lister from the 1980's ... Appollonia.  Anyone under 40 will probably have no idea who this is, but she was once one of Prince's protégés.  A really beautiful and sexy Latina who I could not stand because she had no talent whatsoever and was soooooo stupid. 

Anywho, she told all of America that years ago she dated John F. Kennedy, Jr., and, as she shed one single tear, said that he gave her a GORGEOUS ring and asked her to marry him.  (EYES FUCKING ROLLING) ... Appollonia - get over yourself!  Really?  JFK, Jr. asked you to marry him?  You have no proof, no one knew about your relationship, and he's DEAD and you want us to believe that he asked you to marry him.

I.  THINK.  NOT. 


 
THAT'S ALL.